It has been many years since I last came to this message board. I find myself drawn to the things in my past as I reflect on who I am, and where I am going. I
came here back in 2003, when I was 14. Since then I have wrestled with the subject of whether vampyres truly exist, and whether I am then a part of this group.
I am really a philosopher at heart (and will be attending university with that as my major this September) So it is in my nature to question. I don't think
you should accept something like this without serious consideration, and as your life progresses, you should always reexamine it. After all, being a vampyre
validates feelings of superiority and insecurity. On top of that is our great ability to lie to ourselves in the most convincing manner (whether you be vampyre
or human, you can still be your greatest enemy).
Now as I said, I have wrestled with it, and come to my own conclusions, which I will share in a future post in this thread. Between back then when I first felt I may be on the verge of awakening, I was still aware that it could simply be the things I was experiencing in life. Puberty and divorce. It took me years to decide one way or the other, though I still pursued it as if I was awakening for sure. I remember what I percieved as the feel of draining another person, and I remember believing I had created shields around myself. I remember altering my aura and presence to suit situations. They all were concious efforts. But they also skirt the boundaries of paranormal and simply normal. Passing from one to the next. Now, those feelings I felt back then, have become second nature, yet explainable. Confidence can be another word for presence. The confident and strong can bring a powerful presence to the room. Humans are by nature a "pack animal" in some ways. We cannot survive without community. It is not unreasonable that among others we would feel invigorated. The hormonal interactions between one another, as well as the psychological fulfillments make for a reasonable explanation for psi-feeding. The sanguinarian feeding method is similar, except on a more personal level, and indeed, a more base level. Domination, and violence. The 'ID'. Very powerful opiates for some people as well. Some feel fulfillment on indulgence of the ID, on domination and violence (I do not mean this in a sexual way whatsoever).
Now I have rambled in what may seem like several directions at once, but I promise they do converge, though said convergence may only be beneficial or relevant to myself, I don't know but I will share that convergence when it is reached. To reach it, I do have a few questions.
When was your awakening, and how do you feel in day to day life compared to your awakening?
Do you ever question your vampyric existence?
How do your powers manifest in day to day life?
How much of what you do and practice in terms of powers and vampyrism is based on belief rather than evidence?
Has anyone decided that they were not in fact, awakening at all?
EDIT: also, is sunlight still truly an issue for you?
Now as I said, I have wrestled with it, and come to my own conclusions, which I will share in a future post in this thread. Between back then when I first felt I may be on the verge of awakening, I was still aware that it could simply be the things I was experiencing in life. Puberty and divorce. It took me years to decide one way or the other, though I still pursued it as if I was awakening for sure. I remember what I percieved as the feel of draining another person, and I remember believing I had created shields around myself. I remember altering my aura and presence to suit situations. They all were concious efforts. But they also skirt the boundaries of paranormal and simply normal. Passing from one to the next. Now, those feelings I felt back then, have become second nature, yet explainable. Confidence can be another word for presence. The confident and strong can bring a powerful presence to the room. Humans are by nature a "pack animal" in some ways. We cannot survive without community. It is not unreasonable that among others we would feel invigorated. The hormonal interactions between one another, as well as the psychological fulfillments make for a reasonable explanation for psi-feeding. The sanguinarian feeding method is similar, except on a more personal level, and indeed, a more base level. Domination, and violence. The 'ID'. Very powerful opiates for some people as well. Some feel fulfillment on indulgence of the ID, on domination and violence (I do not mean this in a sexual way whatsoever).
Now I have rambled in what may seem like several directions at once, but I promise they do converge, though said convergence may only be beneficial or relevant to myself, I don't know but I will share that convergence when it is reached. To reach it, I do have a few questions.
When was your awakening, and how do you feel in day to day life compared to your awakening?
Do you ever question your vampyric existence?
How do your powers manifest in day to day life?
How much of what you do and practice in terms of powers and vampyrism is based on belief rather than evidence?
Has anyone decided that they were not in fact, awakening at all?
EDIT: also, is sunlight still truly an issue for you?
